Author Archives: wcaplan

Jun 16 2012
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I’ll be back…soon

You’ve probably noticed a bit of a lull on the shallow blog. Like everyone, shallow people have their ups and downs and I’m afraid this week has been one of the latter as it began with the passing of my BFF Kevin’s Father and ended with the tragic shooting at the University of Alberta, where I work. As a result, I have taken a break. Rest assured I will be back and your patience is much appreciated.

While you’re waiting you might want to join me in taking a moment to be reminded that despite the headlines there are still lots of good things going on in this world. Better still, if you can, do some good by making a donation to the Canadian Cancer Society or another organization that is near and dear to you.

And remember, even shallow people have to stop and take a deep breath once in a while.

Jun 03 2012
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Coincidence?

Another day, another blog post? As patterns go this has not been mine but you will recall that in my inaugural post I mentioned that I would write when I had something to say and after what happened last night, I have something to say. As a matter of fact, if I don’t get this out I think I’m going to plotz! (if you don’t know, look it up).

I’m sure you remember that yesterday I wrote about my experience as a Barbra Streisand look-alike and the effect it has had on my life. Hopefully you will have also recognized how, at the end of the post I craftily embedded some discreet references to Ms. Streisand’s musical prowess, particularly as it applied to her work in “Funny Girl”, a movie which I must now reluctantly admit I had never actually seen. Until last night, that is.

I’m not sure how many of you are night owls like me, but if you are you will know that Saturday night/Sunday morning is not the best time to be trying to find something inspiring to watch on TV. As I flipped through the stations trying to avoid yet another Zack Braff movie (I like him, it’s just that three in one night is a bit much) there she was in all of her glory. Fannie Brice, a young Jewish woman making her way from the streets of New York to become the star of the Ziegfeld Follies, played spectacularly by none other than Barbra Streisand. She sang, she danced, and she was funny. Boy, was she funny! And I thought I was going to die the first time Omar Sharif showed up at our her dressing room door.

When I woke up this morning I got to thinking how ironic it was that on the very day I wrote a blog, not only about Barbra, but with specific reference to the songs from “Funny Girl”, the movie showed up on TV. Now I know there are lots of Streisand reruns. I myself have shed tears during “The Prince of Tides” and “The Way We Were” more times than I care to count. But this was not your run of the mill “Fockers” rerun. This was Funny Girl! From 1968! What are the odds?

As any good shallow person would do I have concluded that there is a direct correlation between my blog post and last night’s TV schedule. It may have been the Barbra Streisand tag I added to the post, I can’t say for sure. Just consider that on its busiest day this blog had 52 hits so you never know who could be dropping by. Some might label this conclusion delusional, whereas I would prefer to consider the impact I have had on mass media, and what is reality if not one’s own perception of the truth. This blog is making a difference in more ways than I could ever have imagined. Not to mention the boost this recent event has given to my self-esteem. And if you are still searching for a reason to be shallow, the ability to so easily build up your self-esteem could be reason enough.

Again, sorry for bothering you with two postings in a row but now that you have read what I had to say I am sure you can understand why I needed to write again. I’ll do my best to hold off for a few days but I can’t make any promises. You never know when something important like this is going to happen again.

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Jun 02 2012
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What you see is not always what you get

Just got off the treadmill where I was thinking, mostly because besides watching AGT (America’s Got Talent for those of you who are not fans) that’s what you do on the treadmill. You think. And since most of my spare time now is spent writing this blog I started to think about my last post and in particular, my assertion that when it comes to shallow people, “what you see is what you get”. I am nothing if not a woman of my word but in retrospect I find myself having to qualify that statement, as for most of my life I have been placed in the regrettable position of letting people know that what they see is not always what they get. As it happens, it would appear that I have an uncanny resemblance to someone better known than I and as a result I spend a good deal of my time convincing complete strangers I am not who they think I am. The conversation usually goes like this:

Complete Stranger: “Do you know who you look like?”
Me: “Angelina Jolie?”
Complete Stranger: “No! Has anyone ever told you that you look like Barbra Streisand?”
Me (with blank stare): “Who? I’ve never heard of her. What does she do?” (Cut me some slack here…it’s the 10,000th time!)
Complete Stranger: “She’s a famous singer. Oh right. You’re kidding. OMG! Are you Barbra Streisand?”
Me: “No, I’m not”

Not the most riveting verbal exchange and I have a funny feeling that had Angelina Jolie really been my double the conversation would end there. But Babs (I think I have earned the right to call her that) is somewhat more ambiguous. So while at this stage of the game I am pretty much tapped out of things to say, most people feel compelled to continue with, somewhat apologetically I might add, something to the effect of “well I think she’s beautiful.”  Which most often leaves me with the distinct impression that theirs is a rather unique opinion not shared by the general population.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not bothered by any of this. Over time I have developed an affinity for Ms. Streisand, her voice, her disposition and yes, even her looks. Not to mention the benefits I have reaped. Like the time I was checking into my hotel and the concierge, who was convinced I was a frequent patron he knew very well even though I assured him I had never previously been to this establishment, not only personally delivered my bags to my room but actually handed back the tip, insisting that it was his pleasure to be of service to me. Honestly? Do ordinary people get treated that way? I should think not.

But I digress. While I have become accustomed to these rather frequent interactions there is one aspect that I have to admit has puzzled me, because in all my years on this earth I have never felt the urge to approach a complete stranger and ask them if they know who they look like. So why, I ask myself, do so many people do this to me? The only logical explanation I can come up with is that even though they realize the chance of running into Babs at the Target check-out counter is on par with winning the lottery, they would just kick themselves if they were wrong and had passed up their one chance in a lifetime to say hello to “Dolly”.

I try to let them down easy, try not to disappoint. But once in awhile, even the luckiest people in the world have to face the stark reality that what they see is not always what they get. I just wish it wasn’t me that had to rain on their parade.

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May 26 2012
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It’s Time to Explain

Warning: There’s some heavy stuff here.

Compared to the number of years I have been alive a very small fraction of my time and effort has been spent on this blog and yet, within this brief sojourn I have come to realize that there are a number of questions surrounding my decision to not only reveal, but to openly celebrate my life as a shallow person. No one has come right out and said so but I can see it on their faces and hear it in their rather polite chortles as I spell out the name of the blog for them. It’s taken some time, five weeks to be exact, but I have finally figured out what’s going on. Being shallow, people think, is a bad thing, somewhat akin to blasphemy. Surely a woman such as myself, with more than one degree from a recognized institution of higher education, should revel in the pretence warranted by this accomplishment alone. Would my time, they suggest, not be better spent in pursuit of more lofty goals, in seeking rather than eschewing the deeper meaning of my existence on this earth? Why do I shun the gifts I have been given?

And herein lies the misconception. Just because I’m shallow doesn’t mean that I’m not thoughtful or a good person. I’ve simply come to the conclusion that life is about being the best you can be in whatever circumstance befalls you. That’s it. What you see is what you get. No hidden meanings or celestial bodies harbouring the inexplicable in my world. There may be a collective consciousness guiding us upward through some kind of hierarchical pyramid towards self actualization, and that’s fine. If there isn’t one, well I’m ok with that too. If, in fact, life has its little mysteries perhaps that’s just what they were meant to be. It is what it is. You are what you are. Nothing more, nothing less.

Does it work for everyone? Certainly not. But here’s the thing. You will find nary a mind altering drug in my medicine cabinet. No sleepless nights in this house. I know what I’ve got and I’m grateful for it. And I know what others don’t have and try to help where I can. Simple. Uncomplicated. And perhaps just a little uncharacteristically preachy.

So to redeem myself, perhaps ever so slightly, I have created a “Top 10” list (in no particular order) of other reasons you might like being shallow. Not trying convert anyone but if I do, great. If not, well I’m ok with that too.

10 good reasons to be shallow:

  1. Being shallow means never having to say you’re sorry…but you can if you want to.
  2. Watching Seinfeld reruns can be considered an educational activity.
  3. You’ll look smashing in a “Shallow and Proud” t-shirt.
  4. Your yoga class gets to be more about finding the outfits than it is about finding yourself.
  5. Almost everything in life can be boiled down to a “Top 10” list.
  6. You can always root for the winning team.
  7. Do I really have to come up with 10 of these?
  8. Watching Friends reruns ’cause you learn a lot from that too.
  9. Trip planning is easy when all you have to do is visit Hyatt.com (for clarification see “I understand”)
  10. You’ll never feel compelled to justify your way of life….Alright, I might have some work to do on this one.
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May 20 2012
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Life is a Treadmill

Sometimes life drags you down into the basement. Mostly it’s those times when something big takes hold and you find yourself walking or running as fast as you can without really getting anywhere. You take the necessary steps forward but somehow wind up standing in the same place. Each time you think you’ve climbed the last hill you find yourself back at the bottom having to fight your way up again. Your window on the world is fuzzy and perhaps a little distorted. A quiet drone resonates in your head as your thoughts ricochet from one to another never really landing long enough to gain clarity. And just when you think you can’t go on any longer you stop, take a deep breath, and know you can make it if you really try.

Oh Geez! As I reread that first paragraph I’m imagining the puzzled look on your faces as you think “What the heck happened to the shallow blog?”. I know she said writing about being shallow might make her less shallow but we didn’t really think that could happen.” Mea Culpa! I just realized that I should have titled this post “Life on a Treadmill” rather than “Life is a Treadmill” which would have made much more sense and been infinitely less confusing. But since I didn’t and you might be reading too much into this, perhaps seeking some deeper meaning, let me re-explain.

Every night this week I’ve been in the basement on the treadmill trying to shed a little poundage which, through no fault of my own but rather as a result of the extra harsh winters we enjoy here in the north country, I have managed to acquire. I just want to buy myself some summer duds and since I’m not one to embrace change (at least not this kind), I would prefer to buy them in the same size I wore last year. Right now this weight loss thing is playing a significant role in my life so I’m thinking, what better to write about. To pass the time while on the treadmill I watch whatever reality TV show happens to be on the tube (yes, my TV has one) and because it’s an old 27” set, I’m having some trouble getting a clear picture. There are times I wonder if I can keep going but I’m pretty sure that if I can get through Steven Tyler’s unimaginably incomprehensible banter that is supposed to pass as his contribution to the development of the young men and women who have little choice but to pretend they understand what he is saying, I can get through anything.

That’s it! That’s all I was trying to say. Amazing what a difference one tiny little word can make. Have another look, you’ll see what I mean.

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