Category Archives: Informative

Jan 21 2013
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Informative

Oh Canada!

canadian_flagIt’s a very patriotic day here in the United States of America. I know this because in the 9:00 am time slot normally reserved for Ms. Rippa and her new friend Mike, there was instead a parade of celebrities paying homage to the 44th President as he was sworn into office for another four years. And what could be more American than James Taylor singing “America the Beautiful”, Kelly Clarkson’s rendition of “My Country ‘Tis of Thee” which, to this Canadian, sounds remarkably like “God Save the Queen/King” depending on who is alive at the time, or Beyonce doing more than a little justice to the “Star Spangled Banner”? The importance of the day was made clear through the twittersphere where the people shared their profound thoughts about this rather auspicious occasion. A quick peek at #inaug2013 provided a sense of the true meaning of the event reflected in the plethora of “140 characters or less” insightful tweets including “Beyonce’s rendition was so beautiful and so were those earrings!” and “The most interesting thing I’ve learned from the coverage of the inauguration so far is that James Taylor is still alive.” And now with the more formal proceedings completed the focus, I’m sure, will shift to unbridled speculation on what the Missus’ will be wearing tonight along with chatter about her new bangs.

Yet in the midst of all this red, white and blue I find myself feeling more Canadian than ever and it has little to do with the pomp and circumstance that took place today in this nation’s capital. It’s not that I don’t enjoy a good party as much as the next person but that’s not what awakened my connection to the maple leaf. No, here in the southern-most corner of California, amidst the sound of the crashing waves and the warmest temps I have experienced in a very long time, I found myself watching a team of my country-people (I’ve opted for political correctness rather than accuracy on this one) challenging a team from my temporary home to the game of hockey, the most Canadian of all sports.

It’s not that I really like hockey or, for that matter know much about it, which is a little odd since I have three brothers, two sons and one husband, all of whom are quite taken with the game. It’s just that, unless you have been living under a rock for some time, you should know that there has been a dearth of ice time due to a disagreement between two groups of very wealthy people who apparently cared more about getting wealthier than about the throngs of fans who have devoted significant chunks of their time and money to the icy sport. So it was a “big deal” when the first game of the season made its way onto the telly and there was nothing I could do but watch.

Ironically, given my most recent post, this particular game was being played by the Ducks and the Canucks, and so it was that the rhyming couplet match-up gave me the opportunity to show my true colours and pay allegiance to my fellow compatriots. Alas, my cheers and admonitions were to no avail as the Canucks went down to heartbreaking defeat. Nonetheless, for a couple of hours I was there, cheering on the Canadian heros and supporting my country in the best way that I could. Just like all those people on the Washington Mall did earlier today. And, lest I forget, Sarah McLachlan did a bang up job of singing the national anthem.

By the way, and in case you haven’t already heard, Mrs. Obama wore Jason Wu and Jimmy Choo. I think this rhyming thing is really catching on.

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Jan 14 2013
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Informative

Rhyme Thyme

footprintIt’s always an interesting experience moving into a place that’s not your own. When you’re going to be away from home for an extended period of time, it behooves you to look at something people now call a “vacation rental” because you will save some money and, if you choose right, you’ll get something larger and more comfortable than the 250 sq. ft. room at the Motel 6 which is about what you would likely be able to afford for the two months you plan to be away. Not to mention the fact that you will have a chance to live in a “real” home, albeit one that is owned by someone who doesn’t want to live there or, at the very least, doesn’t want to be there when you do. If this is the case, I might suggest that before moving forward with your plans you take a close look at what’s going on in that neck of the woods during your planned vaca.

At any rate, in the world of vacation rentals the former is much more common than the latter so you are very likely to find yourself in a place that has been comfortably furnished in as generic a manner as possible as the owner attempts to create a decor that appeals to their clientele. And because they push their own design inclinations aside, they figure the best bet is to furnish their digs apropos to its location, meaning that if you are in the mountains your place will have a “modern rustic” look and if you are at the beach it’s going to be, well “beachy”.

Whatever the location, without a doubt, somewhere quite prominently displayed, will be a facsimile of the vista you see when you glance out your window, graced with a rhyming couplet that attempts to capture the sentiment that the facsimile pic should evoke. So I was less than surprised when making my way up the stairs of my temporary home, to come face to face with a too golden hued, stamped on canvas painting of the beach at sunset, clearly purchased at a discount home decor store specializing in the “most wall coverage for the buck”. And to complete the picture (both literally and figuratively) there, mounted on top, was the requisite plaque with these words of wisdom:

Our memories of the ocean will linger on, long after our footprints in the sand are gone.

Now I hate to be cynical in the presence of such profound thinking but the truth of it is that unless you have some kind of debilitating dementia, which trust me, I hope none of you ever does, then this kind of goes without saying. I mean I walk on the beach everyday and I can tell you that there are only a few hours between low and high tide at which point any footprints that you made will in fact, be washed away. To give you some context here, it’s about the same amount of time it takes me to walk to the Starbucks, sit on the patio for a leisurely coffee, and then walk back to my new home and even those of you with memories worse than mine can surely lock something into your brain for that long. Which makes the verse more than a little trite, and might I be so humble to say, just a tad shallow.

It’s got me thinking however that just about anything could be put to verse and placed on one of those plaques for display in an appropriate room. Just think about it. In the kitchen you can express your thanks for your good fortune with “Around this table we all will eat, a bounty of vegetables, grains and meat” hung strategically at the table. Or when entering the living room you can be reminded that “Together we can relax and watch TV, or rent a movie for a small extra fee”. The bathroom is a little trickier but who wouldn’t find solace in “If I keep on trying it is my belief, that sooner or later there will be some relief”, with the corresponding pic of course.

I’ll stop there because I think my point I did achieve, so without further ado I’ll take my leave. But if this post has inspired you in any way, it is a game we all can play. So add your ideas before you go, and do your best to make them shallow. Because if they are good and not too forlorn, perhaps a new business has been born.

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Jan 07 2013
6 Comments
Informative

By the Deep Blue Sea

my_sunglassesI’ll be the first to admit that I’m struggling a little here. Most of you don’t know this but I hate the cold which is more than a little ironic given that many, many, many years ago I moved from a somewhat moderate Canadian climate to one of the coldest cities in the country. That’s why, now that I am entering my more golden years, I chose to spend at least a portion of the frosty season in the southernmost part of California where the temps fall well within my rather limited comfort range and the livin’ is easy. It’s pretty nice here, what with the miles and miles of sparsely populated beaches that provide a sidewalk both north and south to possibly the best ocean view Starbuck’s patios this side of the Rockies. And now that you know this you’re perplexed and wondering what the heck I am struggling with. Well let me tell you.

I know you’re thinking that this part of the country in particular is a mecca for those of us who subscribe to the shallow way of life because, from all that we see and hear, that’s what we know to be true. I mean this *is* California, the centre of blatant and unabashed consumerism and the birthplace of those “Housewives”. Well I was with you on this one, that is until I got here. The first inkling I had that my expectations were not to be met occurred on the morning after arrival when I embarked on my inaugural visit to Costco, making my way along Coastal Highway 101 past the surf shops and the local pizza joints. The vistas are truly spectacular so it would be easy to miss the small sign, but not so much the temple like archway that serves as the entrance to the “Self-Realization Fellowship” as you journey from one beach town to the next. If you haven’t heard of it, this organization (can I call it that?) was founded in 1920 by Paramahansa Yogananda and it’s purpose is to help people “realize and express more fully in their lives the beauty, nobility, and divinity of the human spirit” which I can confidently say is anything but shallow and probably also explains the existence of the “Swami” cafe, and the “Swami” taxi company along with the fact that there are more yoga studios than I can comfortably count on all of my extremities. And that’s just the beginning.

As I navigate my way through the streets I begin to notice I’m a bit of an anomaly in my somewhat larger than I prefer carbon emission rental vehicle, being significantly outnumbered by the plethora of “Leafs”, “Prius’ A, B, and Cs”, “Smart Cars” and various other hybrids, electrics and heretofore never seen environmentally friendly options with which I am unfamiliar, not surprisingly so since I hail from one of the largest oil producing provinces in the world. And while I don’t really have a beef with environmentalists I’m not all that thrilled about having the prime parking spots set aside for them while I do battle for the few remaining ones at the back of the lot . Not only that but it’s a veritable “Tour de France” what with all of the bikes sailing past in their designated lanes.

Returning with my oversized packages of just about everything I breathe a sigh of relief as the familiar green umbrellas come into view and I hold out hope that things are going to take a turn for the better. At the Starbucks, where by all rights I should have been sitting beside overly tanned and too blonde dudes and dudettes saying surfer stuff like “hey bro, that was an awesome ride” and “Cowabunga! Eddie would go”, I instead find myself sharing space with a group of business types making arrangements for a session on team building with a woman whose qualifications are not limited to but include, being a member of a world class mountaineering team that won a championship climbing competition somewhere in Borneo. To be honest, it’s a tad disorienting and I’m already finding myself shopping at places like “Whole Foods” and “Sprouts”. Next thing you know I’ll be walking into the holistic healing centre located right next door to my temporary digs to see what they can do about the blisters I’m getting from all the walking I have to do to get from my car to the store.

So there you have it. I’m going to do my best to stay the course but I’m beginning to think I might have to wear my shades and baseball cap in an effort to generate some Babs sightings just to be sure that I have something to write about. Because apparently the ocean isn’t the only thing that is deep around here.

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Dec 31 2012
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Informative, Instructive

Enough already with the Lists

2013Yep, it’s that time of the year again.  It’s taken 366 days, some longer others shorter than we would have liked, but it’s finally here. In less than 24 hours we will be entering a new year, one that will bring with it new hope and new beginnings and, dimes to dollars, a whole whack of people making lists of resolutions that they are pretty sure they will keep even though I read on the internet that 47% won’t make it past the 2 month mark.

I suppose that instead of writing this blog that’s what I should be doing right now, figuring out what things I need to resolve over the next 12 months. But to a shallow person New Year’s resolutions are a lot like bucket lists which, as you well know, we have little inclination to create. But like my bucket list experience I had a hunch that a quick trip around the world wide web would provide me with some understanding of what other people are thinking about changing in their lives which is good for me to know because I’m always open to new possibilities.

And I was right. What I discovered on my little WWW whirlwind vaca was that not only are there a multitude of sites where you can publicly profess your commitment to changing your life but there are also many authorities on the subject who are apparently more than willing to share with you their tips and tricks for success because, as previously noted, success in this arena is somewhat elusive. Although I suspect that depends very much on the degree of challenge one sets for oneself. I mean, it’s one thing to pledge to “become proficient in the Japanese language” which I imagine could easily take more than one year, and quite another to find success when your goal is to “get my laundry done” which I am guessing most people will accomplish at some point over the next 365 days.

There are, of course, the “top ten” New Year’s resolutions which, as one may expect, include concrete, measurable goals like “lose weight” and “quit smoking” where a pass/fail is pretty apparent, along with things like “be a better person” and “enjoy life more” where success can be somewhat more open to interpretation. Seems to me that going with the latter gives you a leg up on the odds. As can be expected there are the unreasonable resolves like “fly to the moon” and the even more unattainable “marry Brad Pitt” which as of this writing seems to have eluded even the Mother of his many children. Perhaps my favourite of all was the person whose only list item was “better husband” which I thought was laugh out loud funny before realizing it was likely posted by someone who wanted to be one rather than someone who wanted to get one.

For those people who have “been there, done that” and are seeking new ideas for the coming year there’s a handy resolution generator that you can use to come up with some new, heretofore unthought of ideas. There you will have access to a wide range of suggestions from the ever so practical “bring a reusable bag to the grocery store” to something a little more lofty like “change the world”. If I were you I would employ some caution as you click through the options and give a pass to ideas like “start a pencil collection” which just seems silly and would certainly conflict with the ever popular “declutter”, not to mention “say hi to a stranger” which in many cities could get you into some trouble. If you’re lucky like I was you may even come across something you have already accomplished like “finding all of the people with your name on Facebook”. I’ll be the first to admit though that it wasn’t terribly difficult and probably shouldn’t be factored in to those completion stats.

But here’s the real problem I have with New Year’s resolutions. It seems to me that for the most part people are going to do whatever it is they are going to do, resolution or no resolution. I mean, think about it. That year that you gained 30 pounds did you actually set out to do it? On January 1 did you write down that you were going to “up my sugar intake, eat as many donuts as possible in one sitting, and avoid the gym at all costs?” Or when you picked up that nasty smoking habit was your number one resolution to “start slow but work up to a pack a day by mid-year?”  No, you just did it. List or no list you’re going to do what you’re going to do. So I”m just going to say it. Enough already with the lists!

This year like all others I will refrain from the ritual of making resolutions that I am unlikely to keep and just live in this world the best way that I can. And with any luck I’ll be here next year to do the same thing over again.

Happy New Year to all of my friends and family and thanks again for sticking with me on this thing I call my blog.

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Dec 25 2012
4 Comments
Informative

We’re still here


MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERAIf I’ve heard it once I’ve heard it a million times over the last week. We’re still here. Honestly, who really thought that we wouldn’t be? I have nothing against the Mayans but it seems to me that it would be rather difficult to predict the end of the world, to the day, from 750 years out. I mean I’m sitting here looking at about 7 feet of snow and temps verging on the “impossible to step outside and live” and no one told me that was going to happen. But given my penchant for all things shallow I suppose it’s not surprising that I don’t really place much stock in ancient predictions, spiritual prophecies or anything that smacks of the mysterious because it’s a bit of a crapshoot how that stuff is going to play out. Let’s face it, what it comes down to is if it happens then it’s some kind of inexplicable miracle which we may or may not be around to witness and if it doesn’t it’s not a big deal because nobody actually expected it to anyway. So I’m ambivalent at best, and skeptical enough to refrain from placing an order to Costco for two year’s worth of dried delicacies on which to feast while waiting out the apocalypse in a bunker in my basement where I normally only go to do my laundry.

Now you know I am a woman of my convictions but as of late I’m starting to think there may be a fly in this ointment, a bump in the road, the proverbial achilles in my heel, all of which have caused me to doubt my heretofore tightly held convictions about the world and the mysteries within. What, you ask, has led me to this rather gut-wrenching change of heart? Well let me tell you.

You may remember my mentioning that I have a rather uncanny resemblance to Ms. Streisand, although truth be told I’m taking the word of others on this one as I don’t really see it myself. Nonetheless, I do feel somewhat obligated to pay my respects by attending her latest creative endeavors even when the reviews suggest I would be better off waiting a week or two for the release of the DVD. And so it was that I found myself sitting in a rather sparsely populated movie theatre watching Babs and her on-screen son travel across the country in something smaller than two closely related people should ever cohabitate, and that’s when it happened.

There are a few things I haven’t told you about myself in my previous posts not because I didn’t want you to know them or because they are too personal, but simply because they never really came up. The first is that on my desk at work I have an M & M’s machine that I religiously fill with, what else, M & M’s. And while there are now more kinds of this classic munch than you can count on one hand, I’ve remained loyal to the company roots by selecting the chocolate covered peanut variety as my candy of choice. The second is that every once in awhile you might find me taking a chance or two with a 20 at the slots. Neither of these in and of themselves is notable unless of course you happen to see them being played out on the big screen by someone who is said to look a lot like you.

And that’s exactly what happened at the movie. Without giving too much away I think it is safe to tell you that the opening scene has Babs lying in bed crunching on none other than peanut M & M’s and that they play a rather significant part in the plotline of this film which eventually finds the Mom/Son duo spending the night in Las Vegas. Before you know it Babs is feeding a 20 (maybe two) into her favourite one armed bandit. Now if Babs and I had shared only one strikingly similar characteristic I probably would have given it a chuckle and thought nothing more of it. But at the moment Babs left the check-in line at the hotel and sat down at the “frogger” machine I knew something bigger was going on, that there was more than coincidence here and perhaps even the work of a force that I can never hope to understand. It is clear to me now that all of the years I have spent listening and responding to “do you know who you look like” have been leading to this very moment, and that our similarities (Babs and mine that is) transcend a mere physical resemblance to something so much more significant and meaningful.

I know, you’re thinking “what is she talking about? It’s just a movie. Babs doesn’t really eat M & M’s in bed!”  Well she might or she might not but the chances are probably a lot higher than that whole Mayan thing. And I’m guessing that one or two of you out there thought, for even just a moment, that there was an ever so small chance that today we might not still be here.

Barbra, can you hear me? I think we may have some kind of mystical connection.

Here’s wishing all my shallow and “not so much” friends a very Merry Christmas.

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