Tag Archives: interaction

Oct 28 2012
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A little sad, A little serious

It’s a shallow world after all

World on rippled waterWhen “the Kev” and I first conceived of the idea of writing a book about being shallow we felt as though we were an island unto ourselves. We were younger then and living among friends who were, in many cases, on a quest to find meaning and purpose in their lives. More often than not we found ourselves sitting in the midst of those who were asking the “bigger” questions as they sought to understand what life was really about.

Meaning seeking friend: So do you think there is some kind of plan that guides our lives? That we are put on this earth for a special purpose? And if we are how do we know what that is. And what can we do to make sure we live up to our potential? Meet the expectations? Make the most of our lives here on earth?
Me: Not sure.
Kev: Beats me.

Needless to say, we weren’t always invested in those conversations.

But as we formulated the chapters of our book (yes we had chapters) we sometimes struggled to find examples that we could use to guide people into the shallow realm. For example, in our chapter  titled “Shallow TV Shows: Watch This!” it was easy enough to point our readers to “Seinfeld” because afterall, this was a show that prided itself on being about nothing. And he was our hero of sorts. But beyond that we had some trouble. Could we really rely on any of the other hits of the time to stay true to the cause and not try to get some sort of message across to the viewers? I mean Karen and Jack showed lots of promise but then the writers of Will and Grace  did that “first same sex kiss on TV” thing and there was nothing shallow about that. And while I can’t say that every episode of “Ellen” was necessarily thought provoking, her character did “come out” on that show which created quite a hullabaloo at the time. Even the talk shows were not a safe haven, what with Oprah turning her back on the exploitation of the downtrodden. Let’s face it, sometimes it felt like we were up a creek with one paddle.

Fast forward 10 years and it’s a horse of a different colour. Now I don’t want to claim that we were trailblazers, pioneers of a sort, but it does seem to me that the world has caught up with us. Perhaps we were just a little ahead of our time. If you don’t believe, here’s some proof. There are authors (and yes, I have read some of them) that describe how our brains have changed to adapt to this new world that we live in. In his book “The Shallows” (honestly, it’s a coincidence) Nicholas Carr tells us that with all of our multitasking we are developing the parts of our brains responsible for “shallow” thinking at the expense of those dedicated to more contemplative and reasoned thought. We have lost our ability to pay attention. To anything. For any length of time. We have 673 friends on facebook, most of whom we wouldn’t recognize if we fell over them. And yet they share with us their every move. Because they think we care. But we don’t. We protest injustice in 140 characters imagining that we are making a difference. And our political leaders respond in like sound bytes. And people continue to kill each other. I could go on but at the risk of losing you, I rest my case. It is a shallow world after all.

Well it looks like I have finally found them. Some deeps thoughts on being and becoming shallow. Don’t blame me; sometimes this blog takes on a life of its own. But to lighten things up I have written a little ditty. And here it is. My song. I don’t have any music for these lyrics so if you can come up with a tune that works let me know. Just don’t blame me if you spend the rest of the day bopping to beat of this drum.

It’s a Shallow World After All

It’s a world full of TV reality shows
Where we vote to decide who will stay or who goes
So they lie and they cheat
If they have to they’ll mistreat
It’s a shallow world after all.

Chorus 

It’s a shallow world after all
It’s a shallow world after all
It’s a shallow world after all
It’s a shallow, shallow world.

We don’t need to see anyone face-to-face
It’s the internet now that’s our meeting place
We don’t talk we just text
Move from one to the next
It’s a shallow world after all.

Chorus

Pretty soon we won’t know what is real and what’s not
And your best friend could easily be a robot
Who will tell you they care
And that they like your hair
It’s a shallow world after all.

Chorus: Altogether now

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Jul 28 2012
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Informative

What am I doing wrong?

Magazine rack from RYoung http://www.sxc.hu/photo/7520More and more I find myself having to defend my status as a shallow person. There are those who perceive my introspection as being incongruent with what I profess to be my true nature. I have gone to great lengths to counter these accusations, providing clear definitions and understandings of life as a shallow person and even subjecting myself to a rigorous grading process which I am pleased to say I passed most handily. And I think if someone were to have a reread of this blog to date there would be little doubt that I have made my case. As a matter of fact, when Kev and I first shared our plan to write the shallow blog with a close friend, his immediate response was “I can’t think of two better people for the job!” and we took that as a compliment. But now it would appear that doubt runs deeper than even I had imagined and at this point I am at my wit’s end as to what to do about it.

This new obstacle was brought to my attention on my recent return flight from New Orleans where I found myself buckling into a seat beside two very nice ladies, one perhaps much younger than the other, both likely much younger than me. As I am want to do, I struck up a conversation with my closest neighbor and as conversations go, this one was both congenial and illuminating. I discovered that my new friend (I like to call her that) was a scrapbook consultant returning home from a scrapbook convention where she learned about all of the new and upcoming trends of her craft. Now I can’t say that I have a a great deal of experience in her world but I have never been averse to learning new things, so I listened. She explained to me all of the “ins and outs” of scrapbooking and I asked what I thought to be reasonable and engaging questions. As she told me how she masterfully arranges all of the photos and artifacts in her home I thought better than to mention that when my children were in their elementary years I had politely requested they refrain from bringing home their “artwork” as I had no where to put it, not to mention that I have a particular disdain for fridge magnets. And all went well, or so I thought, until she pulled out a stack of magazines and offered the younger woman in the window seat her choice from the pile. As I sat quietly anticipating my turn to have a look at what was left, she turned to me and said, in the nicest sort of way, “you don’t seem the type to read trashy magazines” and then proceeded to put them back into her bag. So there I was, left straining to read the headlines on US magazine before Ms “Generation Y” turned each of the pages.

That’s when I knew I had a problem. What was it I wondered, that made my scrapbooking friend think I was somehow above reading all the latest dirt from tinsel town? Me who has every episode of Glee on my iPad just in case there are no “romcoms” playing on the inflight entertainment system. Me, who can rhyme off the names of the most recent bachelors and bachelorettes along with their chosen mates. Me who takes solace in knowing there are people who need to lose more weight than I do and are willing to go on TV to prove it. Does she not realize that I am the one who writes a blog about being and becoming shallow? How could she be so wrong? How could I look so wrong?

So now it’s time for me to take stock. Is there something about my round, tortoise shell glasses which, although quite fashionable, transform me into a rather bookish looking gal? I can take those off. Are my lucky jeans that I always wear on the plane but never anywhere else, causing me to appear a tad out of date? If they are I can make a different pair of jeans lucky. Or do people mistake the rainbow Star of David pin I wear on my jean jacket as support for some sort of obscure cause? Honestly, it was a gift. I don’t even know what it means! Whatever it is something has got to change, and quickly. I’m looking for your ideas and suggestions because if I don’t figure this thing out soon I’m afraid I’m never going to find out which stars were caught walking on Rodeo Drive without their makeup on.

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Jul 10 2012
6 Comments
Instructive

You don’t say!

Since I am currently on my way to a conference and facing the “goes without saying” obligation to network, I thought this would be an appropriate time to introduce one of the key skills I have cultivated as a shallow person. Wait, perhaps I should take a step back and admit that this one characteristic, which I have spent many an hour perfecting, has perhaps done more to cement my status as a shallow person than almost anything else I have done. I can confidently say that mastering this skill has served me well in a multitude of situations I have encountered over the years. I know you are wondering what in heaven’s name I am talking about so let me explain.

As I see it, no matter how hard we try, in everyone’s life there comes a time when it is necessary to engage with people we have no real interest in. Now I may be shallow but for the most part I like to appear to be a decent human being. That doesn’t always come easy so I have developed a mechanism by which I am able to appease both others and myself as I make my way through the maze of unavoidable interactions. Some of these are simple encounters; it’s summer and you’re out gardening and you know your neighbor is going to come over to talk about your current crop of dandelions and how you might try getting rid of them and you really have no intention of ever doing so. Others are more complicated; like when a person that you vaguely recognize walks up to you and starts talking about your kids, job and mother-in-law and you are pretty sure that given the depth of their knowledge you must know them but can’t recall how or why or, at this particular moment, even their name. And then there is the apex of all encounters, the conference, where there is more than a little expectation that you will meet, greet and not only have conversations but intellectual ones with people you have only known for moments and more than likely will never set eyes on again, and all you really want to do is sample the hor d’oeuvres and hightail it back to your hotel room.

So how does a person such as myself navigate through a world of social obligations without losing their identity? In the shallow vernacular we like to call our technique “feigning interest” and while I am sure it is not unique to our world I think it is fair for us to take credit for openly recognizing and naming this most useful of all skills. Yes it’s true, I have perfected this art and without further adieu I’d like to share these tricks of the trade with you.

Feigning Interest “how to’s”:

  1. It’s back to the mirror (remember Forgetting…it’s an art) to practice your “I’m excited to see you and make you think I want to learn more about you” smile.
  2. At the same time you’re going to need to acquire a complete set of verbal and nonverbal social cues. You might want to start with: “uh huh”, “yep”, “you don’t say!”, a cute little chuckle, and a knowing nod of the head.
  3. Those verbal cues work especially well when the interaction takes place on the telephone. Used right, you should be able to get oodles of work done with minimal interruptions.
  4. When faced with someone whose identity has eluded your memory you’re going to need a believable greeting . Try, “Long time, no see” or if you suspect you may have bumped into them more recently go with “So how’s it going?” even though you have no idea what “it” is.
  5. Prepare some generic questions that can be used in most every encounter. Be careful though as a wrong turn here may cause you to appear more interested than you actually are, resulting in a prolonged and completely meaningless conversation. You will never get that time back.
  6. If you have to network at a conference, always keep your eyes open for someone you vaguely know, gesture them over while mentioning how much they know about whatever it is you are talking about, enthusiastically introduce them to your new friend and then quickly excuse yourself leaving the two to carry on without you. Consider it a win-win.
  7. Always have an exit strategy in your back pocket. You can prepare some closing remarks in advance or feel free to use this tried and true favourite of mine, “This has been great and I’m really sorry I have to scadoodle. Let’s do lunch sometime”. Word of caution: Some people will take this to heart and actually try to call you for lunch. Unless you are a glutton for punishment you better have a contingency plan for that as well.

As with all things worth doing, this too will take some time to do well. My advice is to stick with it and it won’t be long before you too can enjoy the advantages of uninvested engagement.

Now I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge that my dear friend Kev (remember Kev? The shallow guy I had lunch with for all those years) helped me to elucidate the aforementioned steps. This is the first time we have worked together on the blog and, as usual we laughed until we cried . And, of course, we talked a little:

Me: So Kev, looks like we did pretty good with this one.
Kev: Yep.
Me: Maybe we could do this again sometime.
Kev: Uh huh.
Me: You know now that we have actually worked together I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest that while we are equally shallow I just might be the nicer one in this duo.
Kev: You don’t say!

Hmmmmmmm.

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